Virtual Ponderances

Just cuz' you got egg on your face,
you're insecure?
You think you're some big disgrace.
What for?
We saw you at less than your best.
You ain't better than the rest.
Now, you think you can't pass the test?
Absurd!

Human beings put each other in place.
That does not mean we need to hide from shame
and the blame
that our paths retrace.
So, I'm going to forget about the rest,
and I wish you the best.

Last night I found out an ex-boyfriend of mine died three days ago.  Six years ago, we'd spent a year living together.  He was troubled, and he troubled me. "J" was a violent, thieving addict brought up by horseracing racketeers and teen parents with meth and prescription drug addictions.  That guy went through everything, and then developed his past into ammunition for what he did to me.  Some mornings my car would be gone, other days my friends credit cards.  He'd show up to my work and threaten male coworkers because he thought they must have been sleeping with me or act otherwise inappropriately until I got fired.  He would break my things when we fought, rifle through my parents medicine cabinet, refuse to pay any bills.  When out on jobs, he would pick fights with coworkers and supervisors of different ethnicities, getting fired from every job.  I ran after him and picked up the pieces.  I sent him to a doctor when I suspected he could not use the restroom because of sexual trauma as a child at the mercy of ranch hands and to the eye doctor to get him eyeglasses, I paid his red-flagged account debts and then our mutual utilities, phone, and cable bills.  I studied with him day after day and paid for his G.E.D. (which he proceeded to take only after his uncle gave him a handful of Xanax.)  I found him jobs and drove him to work.

I suppose it was all for not because J lost his life running into an SUV then being bounced onto another oncoming car on a freeway as he attempted to flee from a Best Buy security guard with merchandise in tow.  They identified him from a $1000 paycheck in his pocket.

From my experience picking up after J and so many other broken-winged creatures, I've found that not everyone can be helped.  Not everyone wants to better him or herself.  Some people will take your sympathy and energy with a sense of entitlement and use their damaged lives as an excuse to damage yours.

They were beaten, so you will be too.  
They never had anything, so why should you?  
Their heads are confused.  

Bipolar manipulations,
schizophrenic manifestations,

"I've been hurt, so I'm going to
steal,
rape,
and take something from you!"

I've had it.

In the new love I've found in my boyfriend and friends:

I see no one telling me not to believe in happiness.
There is no one who throws parties just so girls undress.
Life is not measured by who has the bigger mess.
My life is changing for the better, I guess.

Dear Granny Helen,

Thank you for always being there for me.

You were there when I was bedridden, and you helped to ease my discomfort. 

You sat with me during that uncomfortable moment on my 22nd birthday. 

You loved family like no other. 

Men longed for you and no other. 

You were a woman of grace, talent, and care. 

There was no better nurse than you. 

We'll all miss you, Helen.  R.I.P., you wonderful woman.  God bless.

If I did what you are doing to me, you would think I was insane.

"A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people."

- Thomas Mann

This is so true that it makes me laugh.  If you've ever painstakingly pored over every word of a sentence or passage you wrote, you know what I'm talking about.  I had to post this as a poke at myself and all my fellow quibblers.

"What others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves."

- Paul Valery

"Those who face that which is actually before them, unburdened by the past, undistracted by the future, these are they who live, who make the best use of their lives; these are those who have found the secret of contentment."

- Alban Goodier

You Belong in New York City

You're the energetic, ambitious type. And only NYC is fast enough for you. Maybe you'll set yourself up with a killer career Or simply take in all the city has to offer.

According to a study released today, both men and women use about 16,000 words a day, busting the myth that women talk more than men. 


-Austin American-Statesman

Let grace and goodness be the principal loadstone of thy affections. For love which hath ends, will have an end; whereas that which is founded on true virtue, will always continue.

John Dryden
English dramatist & poet (1631 - 1700)

In Kyudo philosophy, you don't aim--you become one with the target. Then, in fact, there's nothing to aim at. I find it works well with women, too. Give it a try.

Martin Sage and Sybil Adelman, Northern Exposure, The Bumpy Road to Love, 1991

They want you.

They want all of you.

They see you.

They want to change you.

They fight you.

They leave you.

They want you back.

Guess what?

They never had you,
and they'll never get you.

Just be you.

It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
  - Alfred Adler

Love is a red balloon.

It is beautiful,
floats unpredictably,
and threatens to run away.

No.

Let's play.

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.
  - Kurt Vonnegut

Pain (any pain--emotional, physical, mental) has a message. The information it has about our life can be remarkably specific, but it usually falls into one of two categories: "We would be more alive if we did more of this," and, "Life would be more lovely if we did less of that." Once we get the pain's message, and follow its advice, the pain goes away.

Peter McWilliams, Life 101

You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.
                    Evan Esar
                    American Humorist (1899 - 1995)

Gay flamingos pick up chick Mon May 21, 12:03 PM ET



A pair of gay flamingos have adopted an abandoned chick, becoming parents after being together for six years, a British conservation organisation said Monday.

Carlos and Fernando had been desperate to start a family, even chasing other flamingos from their nests to take over their eggs at the Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust (WWT) in Slimbridge near Bristol.

But their egg-sitting prowess made them the top choice for taking an unhatched egg under their wings when one of the Greater Flamingo nests was abandoned.

The couple, together for six years, can feed chicks by producing milk in their throats.

"Fernando and Carlos are a same sex couple who have been known to steal other flamingos' eggs by chasing them off their nest because they wanted to rear them themselves," said WWT spokeswoman Jane Waghorn.

"They were rather good at sitting on eggs and hatching them so last week, when a nest was abandoned, it seemed like a good idea to make them surrogate parents."

Gay flamingos are not uncommon, she added.

"If there aren't enough females or they don't hit it off with them, they will pair off with other males," she said.

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim.
- Bertrand Russell

Everyone is so scared of getting hurt that they'd rather hurt others as a preemptive defense mechanism. My boyfriend and I were discussing this just yesterday. I don't mind getting hurt. I subscribe to the "turn the other cheek" approach. There are enough mean people out there. Theirs is a false power. If someone hurts me, I'm a strong spirit, and I will overcome that. You should worry about your own strength of character, not the character of another. In practicing this approach, you maintain your integrity and can hold your head high. Shame and pity to those selfish and cruel people who feast on anger, fear, and revenge.